It would seem that last Saturday, in a drunken stupor I missed the train to Toronto and as a result was unable to attend your coming of age. I would like to make it clear that this is a formal apology and ask for your forgiveness. In addition, I offer you a belated birthday gift… I hereby proclaim you thefreshqueenofburlington. Not that you’re my mother, just to say that you’re pretty cool I guess.
Congrats on surviving 19 years.